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It's still surreal being a senior. I don't believe it. I can't wait till tomorrow when I get to 'intern'.

Me and Melissa are trading lockers cause it makes a lot more sense to us. That's exciting too, though I don't know why.

This stage in my life seems to have a lot of ups and downs. As one thing starts going good, two start going bad...My relationship has been no exception to this current trend in my life. I am still not sure what is in store for us in the future, but for now it has been a big battle just to maintain peace. One minute he is normal and sweet, and the next he is telling me I have three seconds to get off the couch. I do not feel scared that he would harm me, but just hearing him say something like that makes me so mad, I almost want to say fuck it.

Then last night he admited to me that he is depressed, which really came as no shock. These words have been ringing in my ears all day, and I really started to think about everything that was going on with us. It is really hard because things are not going great for me in my life, I have my own battles I deal with everyday. This stress just drops the bar for what I can tolerate, and I am easily frustrated. At the same time, he knows there are certaing things he does that really annoy me, he told me that he knows he is annoying, but that is it. He does not want to make an effort to change those things. Sometimes I wonder if he wants to put in the work to make a relationship work. Currently I know the answer to this question is no...He has so much other stuff going on in his life, he feels like our relationship is just another battle. That really hurts me, and what makes it worse is thatI do not feel like I am a priority in his life. He is not leaving me out of his life, or excluding me from any part of his life to make me feel this way, it is just the small things like compromising and the way he talks. That is an entire nother subject. Our entire relationship to this point has been, well if we make it through the fall, or I don't think we will make it to the summer, and now we are living together with a six month lease, and he says I would not leave you during this six months because I already told you I would at least stick it out until then...These are exactly the comments that are making me build up this wall and make me want to stop caring so that I don't get hurt in the long run...

What it all comes down to is he is going through a hard time, I know that . I love him, and I should be there to help him get through these battles. I really want to make this work, and overall in the last 14 months I have been very happy with him. My only question is where do I draw the line of how much I will take. How long do I keep letting him say things that make me feel worthless before I just can't take it anymore. And if I suck it up, will that change how I feel about him after it is all said and done? We are not married or engaged or have children, so walking away would not be nearly as complicated, but I don't want to. I just wish I could see some light at the end of the tunnel.

wow its been a minute since i been on here...i think before summer..but yeah lots of shyt happened over the summer..all good tho nothing terrible happened this summer...i had fun fun fun...i got my car and all that good stuff and partied it up just about every single day...im still havin my fun tho on the weekends [and school nites] lol but yeah...i've been lookin for a job and all that good stuff and currently am tryin to stop smokin cigs but i kno as soon as payday comes around i'll be stickin it up again lol...soo yeah there was some drama this summer also and damn i dont kno where to begin wit it all...i've met a lot of new friends which its about time [no offense judi and jess] but they enjoy havin eachothers company 24/7 but when you get to goin different places u have to have a different type of person there wit you if that makes any sense at all...so yeah...i've been through fights with friends and family..been through about haha i aint even gonna say how many guys...lol me and my partner in crime were repeatedly told we were "boy crazy" but they didnt kno half of it...matter of fact they didnt kno any of it lol..but yeah i dont kno what else to say soo just leave me some comments about anythinggggggggggggggggggg

My best friend, Paige, had cheerleading to day so i did not get to go with her to day thow. My other friend, Faith, had band and karote she is a green belt. I can't wait until softball season starts, i ve played softball sence i was 5. Softball is my life one of my other friends, Chelsea, she has played softball longer than i have. I just started school last month on the 23. The guys i like are cody, he is a football player, and ben, he is a basketball player, i can't chose between them! I need advice!!!!!

Second day of school, and already I'm so pumped for the rest of the year.. minus the school work. I can not wait until this weekend. Grand Bend with the folks and maybe a little shopping and stuff! And then sometime next week my aunt sally is going to new york and buying me some things so im so incredibly excited about that. my Hollister things should be in soon! At least by Monday or Tuesday :) I really kind of want second semester to come, hahah. Oh, today was great though. I hung out with a whole new group of people (well, ive hung out with them before but this time was different) & i went and gave a hug to the guy i like :$ spontaneously :) and he ended up walking me to class which works out perfect! Honestly, i couldnt be any happier than where i am now. Its great.